Wednesday, June 5, 2013

So...Writing and Fighting My Battles

One thing I've learned is that writing really helps me.
I write on my blog, I write in my journal, I write poems, I write letters...they all serve different purposes.

But all forms of writing share one purpose for me - to make sense of what is going on in my head and to express how I'm feeling.  Part of the emotional regularity I'm striving for :)

Sometimes I write to try and gain the perspective I am lacking. 
If I'm having a hard time it helps to write about things that I'm grateful for.
Writing about my family and how much I love them is a favorite topic that seems to always help.
Now, not every time I write about being grateful or loving my kids is motivated by a negative feeling or experience - most of the time it's not - but sometimes it is and choosing to focus on the good things in life and writing about it really does help.

This blog has been a blessing to me in that way.

My personal journal is full of all sorts of personal things. 
The good, the sacred, the bad, and the ugly. 
I just write it how it is without much of a filter. 
Most of it I want to keep to myself.
(I've actually gained an important perspective about this that I need to remember to write about sometime...)

My blog I've dedicated to the good - things I want to share and thoughts/experiences that could help me when I'm struggling.  And perhaps help someone else.
I want to make sure to document the good feelings I'm having, the things I love about life and motherhood, the blessings that I am so grateful for. 
Writing positive blog posts and rereading them later really can help me get out of a negative mindset.

I love having a compilation of the good.
Proof that I am not worthless, even when my mind is telling me otherwise.

And yes - my blog does have a filter.
I try to keep in mind that people will be reading what I'm writing. 
I try to protect the privacy (and dignity - lol) of our family and try not to post anything that I will later regret.

So...the question then stands...
Is what I write on this blog real?
Is my blog just my portrayal of who I want to be?  Not really who I am?

Well, that's the thing about blogs.
Unless the reader knows the writer well, and has interactions outside of the blog to fill in the gaps, it's really up to the reader to decide, I guess.
There is lots of room for interpretation.
And honestly, I don't always feel comfortable with that...
Especially when I'm having one of those days when I'm sensitive to what people think of me.

But it is what it is.
And in a strange way I think it's good for me.
To be who I am and write what I want regardless of the interpretation/criticism/judgement that may follow.

In the end, it really doesn't matter what a reader may think about me based on my blog.
Each post is a little piece of me - something I did, something I thought, something I like, something I experienced, something I believe - a glimpse and not much more - but 100% true.
It is not a complete portrait of me or my life.
It is not my attempt to impress others.
It is not me hiding from the bad, or pretending it's not there.
It is actually part of my effort to fight off the negativity - me choosing to be happy and find the joy in life despite my struggles.
It is a place for me to document our little family's beautiful (imperfect) life.
It is a place for me to write about the good, express gratitude, and to help me fight my own daily battles.
Or at least that is what I hope for it to be.

Because writing really does help me.

And the possibility that something, anything, I write might inspire or help someone else with their own daily battle is one reason I share it publicly on my blog. 

But if my blog does the opposite for you - if it makes your daily battles harder to face - please oh please stop reading.  It really isn't worth it. may also like::
::So...Where I Am so grateful for now.
::So...Just Breathe every little thing is gonna be alright.
::So...I Know Better yes i do.

Thanks for stopping by! 


MommyMert said...

So... do I think your blog a portrayal of who you really are? Yes, most definitely. Is it a potrayal of who you would like to be too? Yes! We all are working to be better every day. Its hard. Life is hard. But I love the honesty of your blog and I love to read it. Even though you are my friend and we hang out... you open up about things sometimes on your blog that I wouldnt be able to see otherwise. It endears you to me even more and I find myself so grateful for you. I agree its hard to let myself out there. But when we let go, it gives us space inside ourselves to learn and grow. Its the fear of letting it out that really pushes us to become better than we were. Hugs Miss Meg. You are wonderful.

Meg said...

Thank you Kari :)
I'm really glad we're friends