So...We Made It

I woke up this morning full of so much gratitude.

The sun was shining, there was a nice breeze outside, our household was running smoothly getting the kids fed and off to school, we had family scripture reading and prayer before Husband left for work, the kids were happy, I was happy...everything felt great. 
It truly was a picture perfect morning - one that I was able to soak in and thank God for.

My heart was very full.

Little did I know...

Those feelings were a very tender mercy from Heavenly Father preparing me for the rest of the day.
The beautiful calm before the storm.

Not that anything too disastrous or horrible happened...
Everybody is healthy and safe and fed and taken care of...
I'm not exactly sure happened, or when, or how...

But sometime about midday, I felt like I was holding on for dear life.
I felt very overwhelmed.
I felt like things were falling apart.
I felt frustrated that kids weren't listening, weren't remembering, weren't responding, weren't etc etc...
I felt (and heard) myself saying and doing things I wanted to take back.
I felt in over my head.
I felt like I couldn't (and/or didn't want to) fix it.
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I felt done.

I tried to warn my kids...
I'm not having a very good day...
I don't have a lot of patience today...
I really can't handle that today...

And then I felt like a horrible mother...
My poor kids...
I can't believe I said that...
I should do everyone a favor and just get out of here...
My poor husband...
What is wrong with me...?
And we're having another one...??!!!

And then I remembered.

I remembered the feelings I had this morning - how grateful I am for the feeling in our home; how grateful I am for such wonderful kids; how grateful I am to be a mom and for how much I'm learning and growing; how grateful I am for Husband and our amazing relationship; how grateful I am to truly feel happy...

And even though a part of me felt sad for a minute that I had let myself slip away from those feelings of gratitude into a pit of frustration and impatience, I soon found myself feeling grateful once again and able to recognize the gift that it was to start today full of such wonderful feelings.  It was the extra cushion I needed to soften the blow of the rough day ahead.

I'm not a horrible mother...
I do love and cherish my family...
It's good that it bothers me when I don't treat my family the way I want to treat them...
I'm a good mom because I care...and I try...

Thoughts and feelings that I needed to come. 
And I was so thankful that they did.

I am glad today is over.
It definitely was one of those that I just wanted to end because I wasn't getting very much right.

But days like today are important.
They keep me humble and keep me turning to the Lord for help and for strength.
And in a strange way...they help me see how far I really have come.

And the good news it...
We made it.
Thank heavens.



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Thanks for stopping by!