Sunday, November 4, 2012

So...Full Hands

Today I am thankful for my full hands.
This week Son had his 9 month well check up.  We were able to go in the afternoon when First Daughter was still in school.  It wasn't great timing - right in the middle of naps - but you know, I'm always happy to get things done like doctor's appointments when I'm at least one man (kid) down.
The office was not busy.  We were sitting in the waiting room for a few minutes before our appointment, with another young family.  A man and woman were there for their first baby's two week check up.  The mother was standing at the front desk discussing co-payments and the father was sitting by me with his infant daughter sleeping in her car seat.  My kids were all over the place.
Second Daughter was talking a mile a minute (like usual) while she rotated from the toys, to me, to the books, to me, to the movie, back to me.  Third Daughter was chatting away to any and every nurse she could find, telling them about her Halloween costume, asking for suckers, telling them about her dreams, and so forth.  Son was sitting on my lap, squawking and flapping away at everything. 
We literally were sitting there for five minutes, and all this was going on.
The father turned to me and said, "Wow, you sure have your hands full!"
A strong sense of pride fell over me.
Yes, I do have my hands full.
I am mother to these beautiful, wonderful, busy children.
I felt strong.
I felt able.
I felt empowered.

I actually really like it when people comment on me having my hands full.
It's almost like a little bit of validation mixed somewhere inside some sort of compliment.
It's like, "Wow!  Look what you're doing!"
At least that's how I take it.
I didn't even tell him about First Daughter at school.
I was married young and we started having children young.
We had four children in six years.
Not entirely "normal" in the world these days, but definitely not uncommon where I live and in the Mormon culture.  All four children were planned.  I'm not exactly surprised at how my life has turned out so far.
All of these things being said...
There really isn't anything that prepares you for being a parent.
There's nothing that prepares you for the crazy - the good and the bad. 
And describing motherhood as "busy" is an incredible understatement.
But it is the best kind of busy.

I look at my children all the time and think, "How in the world am I your mother?"  Not in a bad way, but in complete amazement.  Being a mother is such an awesome, and incredibly humbling responsibility.
Some days it is overwhelming.
Some days it is the best.
Some days I want to run away. 
Some days I want to scream.
Most days I laugh.
A lot of days I cry.
It is definitely a struggle, but the type of struggle that you can feel making you stronger - like hiking a mountain, or training for a race, or studying countless hours for a test.  Motherhood pushes me to be a better and stronger woman.
Today again I was told a couple times that I have my hands full.
And on Sundays I for sure feel that.
Husband's responsibilities at church make it so I'm pretty much on my own with the kids most of the time we're there.  I am more than happy to take on that responsibility.  It still doesn't change the fact that church can be crazy.  My kids are great kids, but they are not perfect.  And I am not a perfect parent.
And so church can sometimes be crazy.
Some Sundays I'm just glad we made it through.  Not all Sundays, but some.
Today was a crazy Sunday, but again I felt grateful and empowered with my full hands.
My family means everything to me.
My children fill my life.
They fill my time, my thoughts, my prayers, my heart, and require all of my energy.
Being a mother is definitely not for the faint at heart.
I'm learning to be patient, strong, tolerant, selfless, compassionate, faithful, diligent, consistent, creative, proactive, forgiving, understanding, confidant, humble, flexible, and more.
It is a lot.  I do have my hands full.
And I am so thankful that I do. may also like::
::So...I Really Love Life oh yes i do.
::So...Here Comes the Sun do-do-do-do.
::So...Seeing the Joy and there is so much to see.

Thanks for stopping by!


The Yuan Fam said...

It was actually me that left that first note, not my dad :-)

MommyMert said...

LOVE this. You are such a good writer and I appreciate it. :)

Becky said...

Love this post. So true.

Christina said...

I keep thinking about this post. I can so relate. Full hands, full hearts. It's a beautiful stage of life!