Wednesday, March 30, 2011

So...Things I'm Learning Through Motherhood::01

01::Everybody has limits.

When I was pregnant with First Daughter, I remember listening to "seasoned" mothers talk and joke about yelling at their kids.
I couldn't relate.
My mother yelled. I didn't want to yell.
In fact, I couldn't even picture myself yelling.
When I get mad, or overly stressed out, my first instinct is not to yell.
It's to retreat.
I could not picture myself yelling at my kids.
I just wasn't a yeller.

The thing I didn't account for, is the fact that when I was pushed to my limit as a mother, and when I was mad or overly stressed out, I wouldn't have the luxury of retreating.
In fact, it's right at that point - the breaking point - when the kids came at me full force.
I was not prepared for this.
And sad to say, I did react by yelling.
And then I felt horrible.
I do every time.
And I now understand where those mothers were coming from, including my own.

It's important to realize and remember that everyone has limits.
Not everyone reacts by yelling - some cry, some laugh, some run away, some stuff their faces with food, some do all of the above {like me}.
Even if you haven't been pushed to your limits yet and don't know where or what they are, everyone has them.
Even you.

And I'm here to tell you, motherhood will push you to those limits, and some.
It will be hard, but it is wonderful.
And it will make you grow.

I absolutely believe that our children are chosen and given specifically to us.
A custom fit to challenge us in the just the way we need - not too much, not too little.
Although sometimes it feels like more than I can handle, I am comforted to know that I have not been given more than I can bear.

A very wise friend once told me that God does not make mistakes when placing children with parents. We each have a set of strengths and weaknesses and placed together we are what the other needs. Even if that means that we are their challenge - what they need to become the person they can be.
Sometimes that is hard for me to swallow, but I feel like it is true.

My greatest fear as a mother is that I will be a burden in my child's life - that I will somehow make her life harder.
But what if I'm meant to?
What if I am the challenge she needs to become a stronger person and reach her potential?
Am I willing to fill that role?

I hope that is not the plan for me as a mother.
I hope that I am not meant to be a burden or a challenge in my daughters' lives.
But I know that they are meant to be a burden and challenge in my life, but in the very best of ways.
They challenge me to be better than I am.
They push to my limits and stretch me a little further.
They test me every day and give me opportunities to prove that I can be better.

Reaching and realizing limits is not a bad thing.
This is what I have learned.
At first I was devastated to know that my limits were not as far away as I thought.
But over time, I have recognized clearly where those limits are, have learned to be honest with myself about them and how I deal with them, and now I am working on preparing myself before I reach my limit so I can choose my reaction instead of being a victim to it.
I have not yet mastered this, but I am working on it.

It's always easier to know how to react when not in the moment.
Most times the moment has past before I even recognize how I am feeling and reacting.
But sometimes I get it and that feels really good.

And I find strength and comfort in the wise words of my Grandma Bonita.
Oh how I wish she was still just a phone call away.

P.S. Nadine received my postcard yesterday, which makes me very happy. So does that picture of Second Daughter sitting in an ocean of flowers. Where are you Spring? may also like:
::So...Worth It the hardest things always are.
::So...My Strongest Desire we were given to each.
::So...Anxiously Engaged in a great cause.

Thanks for stopping by!


MommyMert said...

Thank you. I needed to read this today. I was pushed yesterday. Pushed past my limit... which is saying something. I dont get pushed there very often. When I do get there, its often followed by shame and guilt. Two powerful ingredients Satan uses to pull me down. I do love your baby girl #2, especially her cheeks. (Upper and Lower. ;) )

Casey said...

Love this - holy moly do I love this! I've said it before, but I'll say it again - You are amazing in your ability to translate thought and feeling into written word...simply amazing. So glad you shared this today!

Terri said...

I second that Casey!!! Megan you write so poetic that it brings my deep thoughts to the surface. I love it. And I surely love you friend!

Christina said...

I love this post, Megan. I can so relate, especially about preparing ourselves before we reach our limits. It's something I've been working on, too. Some days I feel like I look back and see only thoughtless reactions instead of choices in my actions. Thank you for sharing such great thoughts!

Spencer and Ashley said...

Ok I loved this so much that I linked to it in my last post!! You said everything I wanted to say on this subject! You are just so great!