So...A Cautious Return

So...after almost 2 years I am back on Facebook.
I still don't know what I think about it, but I'm giving it a try.

When I deactivated my account in February of 2012, Facebook was not a positive thing in my life.  It created a lot of drama, hurt feelings, anxiety, negative thoughts and feelings inside me, and just wasted a lot of my time and energy.  It took me away from my family.  Facebook had the power to change my mood and fill my head with feelings of discouragement, resentment, jealousy, and frustration and flat out ruin my day.  I'm embarrassed to admit it, but yes, tears were shed over things that were said on Facebook.

It just wasn't a good thing for me.
Plain and simple.
And it is amazing how wonderful it has been being off of Facebook.
It has been a huge relief.  It has been liberating.

But one thing that I have missed from not being on Facebook is that extra connection with my family and my friends from home.  I have missed them.  And not being on Facebook has meant that I missed a lot of important events happening to a lot of people I care about (i.e. weddings, babies, moving across the country, etc.) That is sad to me.

I have been thinking about getting back on Facebook for about six months.
I really didn't want to do it because I didn't trust that it wouldn't just be the same old bad thing it was in my life before.  I didn't want it to consume my days like it did before - constantly checking it, thinking of witty status updates, "like"-ing or commenting on everybody's everything so that nobody would get offended that I didn't care, looking at everybody's pictures, or getting caught up in who said what and who did what and yada-yada-yada (oh gosh - I get anxiety just thinking about that...)  I was really hesitant to get back on...

But I decided to give it a try.  With very strict guidelines.

I didn't like how Facebook was damaging to some of my friendships.  The main reason I got of Facebook in the first place was because I wanted to separate my relationships completely from the drama that can occur on Facebook.  So, just to be safe, some of my most favorite people in the world and some of my most best friends are not my friends on Facebook anymore. 

But besides being worried about the drama that comes along with Facebook, I am really worried about offending people by defriending them.  Especially without an explanation (hence this blog post...)  It is funny how that "friend" button can have so much power in a relationship.  That is one of the thing I like the least about Facebook.  But I refuse to let Facebook define my relationships or hold that much power in my life!

I defriended about 150 people.  Maybe more.
I defriended all of the people in my neighborhood and my local friends.  Even my best friends.
I defriended a lot of people that I love and respect and care about.
The only people I stayed friends with are anyone I'm related to, any friends from home, anybody that I'm not in contact with in another way (i.e. email, blog, texts, whatever), and anybody that I can share the gospel with.

My purposes for being back on Facebook are simple.
1) to connect with and improve family relationships.
2) to connect with old friends that I am not in contact with otherwise.
3) to share the gospel

I know #3 sounds a bit strange, but the church's encouragement to use Facebook in missionary work has been the strongest motivator for me to get back on Facebook.  In fact, it was during stake conference that I had a strong impression that I need to get back of Facebook and connect with old friends.  So, here I am, trying to be obedient.

My purposes for being on Facebook have drastically changed.  I use it completely differently than I did in the past.  I know that I have to, or else it will become the same negative force it was before.

I know some of you are probably laughing at me right now about this, or thinking I'm being silly, because really...it's just Facebook.  It's just a social networking site and it shouldn't have this much power or hold this much weight. 

But guys, I'm telling you - it was a crazy powerful force in my life that consumed me in not a good way at all.  And I have to be very deliberate and very cautious about how I approach letting it back in to my life.  We'll see if it even lasts.

Be good to me, Facebook.
Please, oh please, be good to me...



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