Life is feeling like a lot right now!
So great - but busy and tiring and wonderful and full.
Pregnancy always magnifies that, as I feel limited with energy and emotions are sometimes high.
But all of it is worth it.
All part of creating and building this little family of ours.
Some days I feel like I'm giving all I can to my little family.
Some days I'm not sure that I even have enough for them.
When I'm feeling stretched thin, it is easy for me to see all the ways I fall short, all the ways that I am not enough, and all the things that I should be doing more - for my family and for others. It's even easier when someone else points out ways that I fall short or criticizes me for things I already feel insecure about. It stinks knowing that despite my best efforts, my limitations have left some one else's expectations of me unfulfilled. It just adds fuel to my self-destructive fire - a confirmation of a self-doubt I've been trying to talk myself out of.
This downward spiral leaves me feeling down, overwhelmed, frustrated, or discouraged and it is a lot harder (sometimes near impossible) to give my family what they need. And that makes me really sad. :(
So I try really hard to not go there. I try to stay focused on the things that are going well, the things that are uplifting and bring joy, and to keep perspective that one day, or one week, or one person's limited perception, does not define me or my life.
Sometimes I am good at this.
Sometimes the best I can do is to not think about it and just get through the day.
This is something I have been working on a lot and probably will continue to work on throughout my life.
I know I am not perfect.
I don't really try to hide that fact.
But I do try to accept where I am in my life and to see the progress that I am making through this process of life and learning - even if it's not always a straight line upward and even if others don't see it. Cause it's not about them anyway.
I am thankful to have people in my life that accept me and love me and uplift me and inspire me.
I am very fortunate to have an amazing support system.
I thank God every day for the wonderful people I have in my life.
I am thankful to have clear direction on how to find peace when I feel like I am lacking.
And so now I am off to bed...because too many late nights last week have definitely caught up with this pregnant girl.
When I am tired, this is where my mind runs off to and it's hard for me to reel it back in.
I need to fortify myself with a good night's rest :)
My body has been trying to sleep all day and I have been fighting it.
Now it is time to give in and it's going to be sooooooo nice.
Goodbye and goodnight.
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