"Megan is so done with the drama."
to which a good friend/neighbor of mine responded:"but sometimes the drama isn't done with you."
Exactly what I didn't want, but needed to hear.
And no, the drama doesn't seem to be done with me.
And no, the drama doesn't seem to be done with me.
Not that my life is dramatic, or that terrible things are happening to me. Drama just seems to be around me in all directions including within my own thoughts. There seems to be a lot of heavy things to think about - things that are happening to others, issues with relationships, the struggle to love unconditionally, to do and be so many things I want to - it's a bit exhausting. Sometimes I just feel like I'm done. Like I don't want to care so much. It makes me feel like complaining, which I don't really want to do. Complaining only adds to the drama and doesn't actually do any good.
What I want is to be positive.
What I want is to be someone that can give some sort of relief to those experiencing real drama.
What I want is to be someone that can give some sort of relief to those experiencing real drama.
One of my perpetual resolutions, which was actually not officially on this year's list of resolutions, is to be a more positive person. Isn't that something everyone wants to be? There is no fun or satisfaction in negativity. Yet, sometimes it's a struggle to always be positive and optimistic. At least for me. Especially when I'm alone with my thoughts long enough to talk myself in circles about any given topic. The negative thoughts always seem to eventually come (more quickly when I'm tired) and once they're here I have a hard time pushing them away. It usually starts with a "why did I do that?" or "why did she say that?" and then I'm stuck. No matter how hard I try to force the bright sunny happy thoughts back into my brain, I always remember where my feet actually are. Stuck in the brown icky mud under a rain cloud of negative thoughts.
So...the question is this -
How do I fix this problem?
How do I stop the negative thoughts from coming?
Is it possible?
Is my problem learning to let go of the negative thoughts, or learning to stop them from coming in the first place?
Do positive people ever have negative thoughts?
Do we truly have choice over our thoughts and feelings, or is the choice only what we choose to express?
Ok, so I know that was clearly more than one question, but pick one (or however many you want) and help me out here.
How do I fix this problem?
How do I stop the negative thoughts from coming?
Is it possible?
Is my problem learning to let go of the negative thoughts, or learning to stop them from coming in the first place?
Do positive people ever have negative thoughts?
Do we truly have choice over our thoughts and feelings, or is the choice only what we choose to express?
Ok, so I know that was clearly more than one question, but pick one (or however many you want) and help me out here.
Like I said.
It's exhausting.
And I want to be done.
Ok, so after I wrote and published this, I sat down and thought...what I really meant to say is -
I'm done wasting time and energy worrying about things that don't really matter. I'm done with the drama that doesn't really matter. The last thing I want is for those of you that I know are seriously struggling with things right now to feel like I don't want to hear about it. I do want to be there for you. I want to spend less time worrying about the drama that doesn't really matter so that I have the energy and ability to handle the things that really do.
4 comments:
I love the book As A Man Thinketh. I haven't read it since HS but it's short and powerful. I probably should go dig through the 100 or so books in my basement and read it again myself.
I also wanted to say that I think it's inspiring that you do so much self reflection I am way more susceptible to a whole array of negative emotions when I'm tired. And as a parent I find I’m always tired. I’m interested to see what others have to say and what you find helps you.
So- you've always come across to me as a very positive person.
I think the question "Do we truly have choice over our thoughts and feelings, or is the choice only what we choose to express?" is a very insightful one. but i have no answer.
There are times in my life when i get in a whirlwind of negative thoughts and Judgement...especially when people do something that I would never in a million years do, and they feel no remorse for it. there are times when i feel like telling people exactly what i think of their actions or words but the couple of times i have actually broken and done that in my life, i don't think it helped and i felt worse. This is now the longest comment ever and isn't very helpful but anyway- i admire your self-reflection and will say it again- your awesomeness does not go unnoticed and you bring a whole lot of positivity to us down here in TX;)
i hope the drama disapates.
I think "positive" people do have negative thoughts. And is possible that some of the people that are so positive may be struggling very much with negative thoughts. I have a friend who often says "treat everybody as if their hearts are breaking" It's one of those "you'll never know what's really going on behind the smiles" But thank goodness for those smiles. What a world if we all showed exactly how we felt right when we are feeling it. It would be like a world of toddlers - fabulous when we're up but crazy awful when we're down. Thank goodness we can learn how to deal with emotions.
I do believe you can "control" negative thoughts.
Another friend, who was a fan of Dr. Laura (is she still on the radio?) said that Dr. Laura would talk about how our brains are wired and that we can retrain our brains. I totally believe this is true. Certain situations may trigger certain thoughts etc it's a neurological thing - but we can learn to change the pathways so that those situations don't trigger those same emotions/thoughts anymore.
Another person, a psychologist, who did welfare training that Greg attended many many years go - he talked about the 3 second rule. Say you see something that triggers a negative thought (specifically I think he used an example of walking down a street and unexpectedly seeing porn in a store window) You have 3 seconds to do something with that thought (I'm sure it is even faster than that) but the idea is 1st second you see what you see or you think what you think - 2nd second you recognize it - 3rd second you decide what you're going to do - either dwell on it or replace it.
So the key is to have a store of "replace it" material. Remember the "your mind it a stage" concept? Hum your favorite hymn? That is great advice. When you're getting stuck in the "worry" or "negative" thought mode - replace it with what you know is absolutely true.
In the middle of the night, if I wake up and end up headed toward some worry spiral - I pull out my "what is true" arsenal. Two favorite weapons against negative thoughts - the Articles of Faith and The Relief Society Declaration. I happen to have them memorized thus why I use them ;-) But - what it does is stop the negative pattern - and keeps my head wired with what it true and uplifting.
What we spend our time reading and watching and talking about etc - those are things that end up in the stores of our mind as well. So fill up with positive stuff.
Also - you can choose to think about/figure out a trouble later. Work on replacing the negative thought with something positive, and then come back when you're in a better frame of mind to deal with some of the questions if they really need to be answered - the questions of "why did I do that?" or "why did they do that?" When you revisit it you may realize it doesn't really matter after all. Or, being in a better frame of mind may allow you to look at it more objectively and constructively.
See, isn't everything just hunky doory? NOT I don't want to sound simplistic, or too Polly Anna-ish. Granted she has some good helps. But it's tough. So it's good to have trusted friends and husbands to rely on to help us out when we seem to need some extra "shake it out of our heads" help.
Poor Greg. He has to help me a lot. But I help him too.
OK - so I just reread your post and realize maybe you weren't looking for all of this after all - but you did keep the questions there... Anyway, I just spent along time writing this so I'm keeping my comment as is.
;-)
Love you.
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