Wednesday, May 4, 2011

So...Things I'm Learning Through Motherhood::05

05::Writing helps.
I am a talker.
I am a thinker.
I am an over analyzer.
And I'm pretty emotional. :)
Being a stay-at-home mom leaves lots of time to think, not a lot of outlet to express, and few opportunities for feedback. This has been challenging for me. I feel like I have so many things I'm thinking about throughout the day and so many things I want to talk about and figure out, but no one to talk to. 
I mean, besides my little kiddos. 
And I guess I could call Husband throughout the day and tell him everything that's on my mind, but I feel silly doing that.
Don't get me wrong, I do plenty of talking.
In the six years I've been a mom, I have gotten better about finding ways to fill this need. I have developed great friendships with women that I enjoy and appreciate talking with so much. I have learned that the art of texting comes in handy when needing and wanting to share something with Husband. I have overcome some of my insecurities of my need to connect with others who I assume are too busy. I have made time to get together with friends when I can and try really hard not feel guilty about time spent away from the family.
I have discovered how much writing has helped me balance my emotions and my need to share.
With writing there is no insecurity. There is no inconvenience. The page is available for me any time I need it. There is no risk of offense {I guess unless someone reads it...}. My words can always be taken back {again - as long as I keep it to myself :)}. I can express things that I need to just get out. And then I can sort through the mess and figure out what it is I really feel. Then I can decide what I really need to share and what is better left unsaid. It has been a wonderful discovery and has helped me so much.
Writing has also helped me see how much I have grown. One of my favorite things to do is go back and read old journal entries or blog posts. Remembering where I've come from helps me keep the present in perspective. When I'm feeling sad, it helps to read through times when I was happy and remember what I'm grateful for. When I'm happy, reading entries from hard times makes me grateful for the lessons I've learned and the growth I have experienced.
But the best thing that writing has done for me specifically as a mother, is help me remember how much I truly love my kiddos. Not that I need much reminding, but reading back on memories of them, and the feelings I had about being a mother, helps me remember and refocus on what I'm really doing here. 
It's kind of like looking back on wedding pictures and remembering how madly in love Husband & I were on that day. How we could hardly keep ourselves from smiling. How we couldn't keep our eyes off each other. How desperately we couldn't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. It reinforces my commitment to Husband and refuels my love for Him.
Writing has done that for me and my kiddos.
Writing today, will do that again for me in the future when I need some recharging.
And hopefully, someday my writing will help my daughters when they become mothers and are learning step-by-step as I am. may also like:
::So...Seeing the Joy on blogging.
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