Monday Memories 029: New Mom

May 8, 2005
Six years ago yesterday, I became a mother for the first time. The perfect gift on my first Mothers' Day.

The labor was long - 14 hours or so - but everything was new, a little bit scary, and extremely exciting. We knew our lives would change as soon as that baby was born and we could hardly wait.

We went to the hospital at 11:45 pm Saturday night. I suspected that I was leaking amniotic fluid, but wasn't sure. We went to the hospital assuming we would be coming home shortly after. We didn't expect we would have our baby.

After being checked, the nurse told me that I was in fact leaking amniotic fluid and would need to be induced. I was hooked up to pitocin shortly after midnight, and given the epidural about an hour later.

The night was long. The nurses kept telling me to try to get some sleep while we waited for things to progress, but it was too hard. With the anticipation and excitement of a new baby along with a blood pressure machine squeezing my arm every ten minutes, it was near impossible.

My first mistake was coming to the hospital on an empty stomach. I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to eat once the epidural was in. I hadn't eaten since dinner the night before. I was hungry! My second mistake was going to the hospital at 11:45 pm, without taking a nap first. With no sleep and no food all night, I was pretty exhausted when it was time for baby to arrive.

The day was full of lots of waiting. With an epidural I couldn't feel most of the labor and contractions that went on all day. I honestly don't remember what we did all day. I only remember trying desperately to sleep and not being very successful.

About twelve hours into the labor - at noon on Sunday - I had finally progressed far enough to start pushing. Unfortunately, my pushing wasn't doing very much. At one point, the nurse even left Husband and I alone and told us to "keep practice pushing" while she was gone. {???!!!} I asked what we should do if the baby started coming and she assured us that the baby wasn't coming anytime very soon.

The doctor came in and we pushed a little more. Things were still not progressing. First Daughter was stuck in the birth canal and her head was turned. At this point they weren't too concerned, but weren't very hopeful that things would progress quickly. The doctor left to go deliver some other babies - two C-sections and another delivery at a different hospital.

At 2:00 pm the doctor returned and my condition hadn't changed much. I had been pushing for two hours and still no baby. After threatening a C-section, and with assistance from some forceps that looked a lot like a torture device, I was able to buckle down and get our baby out around 2:25 pm.

The moment I heard her newborn baby cry, I had no breath. It was the most amazing sound I had ever heard. I was overcome with emotion in those minutes after her birth. I felt so much love for her and so much love for Husband. We were a family. I instantly realized the significance of that moment. It was as if time slowed down.

I remember sobbing when they handed me my sweet new bundle. The nurses kept asking if I was ok and I assured them I had never been better.

Weeks before First Daughter's birth I was very concerned about the delivery. "What if I can't get her out?" or "What if I don't love her enough right away?" were a couple of my concerns. Little did I know how natural it would feel to have this new baby in my arms and in my heart. She belonged to us and I felt that. It was as if she had always been a part of our family. I'm pretty sure she was.

I couldn't have asked for a better first child than First Daughter. She is amazing. Since the day she was born I have felt overwhelmed with gratitude for the chance to be her mother. She is so smart, loving, enthusiastic, joyful, and fun. She challenges me in all of the best ways. Being her mother has already made me a better person and continues to do so.

I pray everyday to be the mother she needs me to be. As I have expressed before, being a mother can sometimes feel overwhelming. I worry about being a good mother. I especially worry about being a good mother for First Daughter. Partly because she's my first and partly because of how she challenges me. I worry that she will suffer because of my weaknesses. I pray everyday to be strengthened and guided as mother to her.

I love her more than I can even express. Being her mom is the best.

Happy Birthday First Daughter!!!



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