Thursday, October 18, 2012

So...Mistakes and a Lame Apology

A few days ago I was about to kill my kids.
One kids in particular.
When I texted Husband about this he said, "Oh no!  Like literally almost killed her or just angry?"
No.  I didn't almost literally kill her.
Yes.  I was angry.
Well, not so much angry. 
More like frustrated, annoying, impatient, {insert negative emotion here}.

After I assured Husband that our child's physical well being was not in harm, he asked,
"What did she do?"
She didn't actually do anything.
Nothing actually happened.
She was just being a kid.
And I was struggling being a mom.

One small incident after another small incident that caused me to bite my tongue, huff and puff, and growl a little to myself, my child strutted into the kitchen, opened the freezer, and demanded ice cream.
This is when I lost it.

"What makes you think I want to give you ice cream?" was the gist of the rant that followed.
I lectured her on being thoughtless and selfish, not willing to help, complaining about everything, expecting to get whatever whenever however she wants, and how all of these things are not good and not what I am trying to teach.

And then I let out the big guns...
"I am trying my best here and I could just use a little help!"

Way to go Mom.
Way to lay on the guilt real thick.

I never feel good after rants such as these.
I want an endless supply of patience for my sweet children that I love more than I can even comprehend.  For the sake of my sweet babies.
Unfortunately, I am human, and that endless supply just does not exist.

A little while later, I pulled Daughter onto my lap and apologized.
"I'm sorry I got mad.  I could have talked to you in a nicer voice.  But do you understand what I was talking about?  Do you understand why I was mad????"

Kind of an apology...

Deep breath.
I tried again.

"I'm sorry I'm not perfect.  I make mistakes sometimes and I don't like when I talk to you like that. 
I'm sorry."

Then the most amazing this happened.

She said -
"It's OK Mom.  Everyone makes mistakes."

My sweet child.

1 comment:

Mercedes said...

You're little girls are amazing! This is exactly how I was feeling last week, it's wonderful to know our children are so forgiving and love us no matter what. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It really helps me to know that being imperfect is okay and we grow and learn everyday. You are amazing Megan! I hope I can be as good a mom as you!